


Updog

by Karartegirl99



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Compulsion, Crack, Humor, ok maybe not crack exactly but the ooc is strong with this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karartegirl99/pseuds/Karartegirl99
Summary: Jon asks a question.(Takes place after episode 101, if you're trying to avoid spoilers.)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	Updog

Jon burst through the door of Elias’ office. A mildly-confused Martin followed quickly behind him. Jon planted himself in front of the desk and, with all the compulsion he could muster, demanded, “ _Why didn’t you tell them I was kidnapped?_ ”

Elias sighed. “There was little point in raising the alarm when I couldn’t do anything about it. I might be a Watcher, Martin, but I’m hardly Jon’s watchdog.”

Martin felt some terrible instinct rear its head, one that by all rights should have been squashed sometime between being attacked by worms and finding out his boss was a murderer. He found himself saying, “We don’t need a watchdog, what we need around here is some Updog.”

Without batting an eye, Elias said, “Don’t be idealistic, Martin. Sometimes, we have to make due without Updog.”

Jon frowned. “Updog? What’s Updog?”

There are some moments that make life worth living, in between the kidnappings and the murders. This was one of those shining moments, and Martin was filled with a sense of awe that he was here to witness it. Even Elias had a glimmer of childlike glee in his eyes. They were both so thrilled that the universe had given them this opportunity that they forgot to actually use it. Arguably, Martin and Elias were both assuming the other would deliver the punchline. In practice, they were too stunned to remember there was a punchline to be delivered.

After several seconds passed without an answer, Jon asked again, this time with power behind it. “ _What is Updog?_ ”

And just like that, the moment shattered into a thousand glittering shards, because the compulsion managed to catch Elias off-guard. “Updog is a nonexistent word used to prompt the unsuspecting into asking ‘What is updog’, to which the proper response is, ‘Not much, dog, what is up with you?’ It’s a joke, you see, one that has mostly outlived the use of ‘dog’ as a term of endearment, but I was never really up-to-date on slang words these days—” He stopped himself. “Well. This is what I get for indulging in wordplay.”

Jon, still reeling from both the knowledge that he had been pranked and the fact that he had successfully compelled Elias for the first time ever, said nothing. Martin shuffled his shoes on the carpet.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” Elias said, rising from his chair, “I believe it’s time for my lunch break, and Jon has a kidnapping to recover from and an apocalypse to deal with, so I will be taking my leave. Good afternoon, gentleman,” he called behind him as he hurried out of the room.

Jon and Martin remained standing in Elias’ office, sans Elias. Somewhere, a tape recorder clicked off, and the sound brought Jon out of his trance. “I guess I should be going, too,” he muttered. He avoided looking at Martin as he turned to leave.

Martin was left alone now. He sighed. There was no one in earshot, but he still kept his voice low as he said to himself, “Nothing, dog, what’s up with you.”


End file.
